Hiding My Light

As I continue to unpack my “self-esteem issue” (I should really give it a name – how about “IT” – picture a creepy clown hanging out under a bridge, whispering nasty things… yes, “IT”…), I realize that it doesn’t help that I have lived my entire life being shushed.

You see, I have a rather big personality. (“No shit, Sherlock!” says anyone who has even a passing acquaintance with me.) Throughout my life, my biggest asset has also been my biggest liability: my enthusiasm is HUGE when it’s lit with purpose. My mom found me loud. As a student, I was known to dominate classroom discussions.

In my time in The Service, I have heard more than once that my big personality is overwhelming, and have even been coached on how to harness my energy and keep it under “control”. And just recently, I’ve already bumped clumsily into a few people with my elephantine charge into this new/old Cause of mine.

There are times when my Big Personality work for me, though: playing the drums, singing (as I’m just starting to discover), teaching, and public speaking.

I am resolved in my battle with IT that, rather than worry about Bumping in to people, I shall find outlets where I can Be Myself unapologetically. One of those places will be here, on my blog. I will always be fully myself when I am storytelling. I just need to continue to be sensitive to keeping to my own story. 

Just in case I bump into you along the way, though: my apologies. I’ve always been a Big Girl. Sometimes I bump into things.