As I approach my 50th birthday, I find myself once again taking that extra-long look at my life, reflecting on what the last decade has brought with it. I seem to look very much the same as I did on my 40th - at least I don’t have that shock to deal with. But the changes in my life in every other way have been absolutely transformative.
(You would think I’d look more different on the outside... but I digress...)
I’m pleased to say that part of my growing up and putting away my childish ways has involved me truly living my life facing forward, not backward. I certainly still find moments to think back, and even allow myself to spend time mourning those whom I’ve lost - they are legion, after all. But I no longer feel myself carrying the terrible weight of regret and melancholy around with me that used to have me dragging. And no more do I rail against the System’s latest attempt to crush my spirit.
Instead, I have learned to embrace my optimistic, creative and innovative spirit - finding the opportunity in every situation and looking forward to where it might take me.
The changes taking place in my body as I age have been less easy to carry with grace, I must confess. Because of my chronic back issues and arthritic feet, I often feel much more than my age. Also unchanged (alas) are my chronically bad eating habits. So I suffer, knowing it’s my own fault. Turning 50 may be just the motivator I need: after all, something symbolic always has to happen around the Turn of the Decade.
This time around, it’s a different kind of celebration. I have resolved all of the major issues which plagued me since leaving home: I’m blissfully married, own my own home, and have a secure job with the income that accompanies it. My “to do” list has a lot more items crossed off. Now, it’s time to start adding some new items: items which will feed my spirit and help me make my health a priority again. After all, everyone tells us that life begins at 50 - so I say, bring it on!
